Get ready Washington, here it comes
The flamboyant, charismatic Best Korea dictator, Kim Jong Un, who is a legend in his own mind as well at the world’s greatest speaker, has shockingly announced it was the US along with many third world countries who helped him achieve building a world class nuclear reactor.
Speaking from a podium held up by North Korean political prisoners Kim Jong Un addressed the unassociated press as follows: “I want all of you to know it was the US and many third world countries who helped me build a world class nuclear reactor from which I am developing nuclear weapons to destroy all my enemies, which is pretty much everyone. Once I have annihilated all of my enemies I will make the world safe by forcing everyone left to buy a Kim Jung Un huggy doll”.
“Everyone wants to know: ‘How did Kim Jong Un the smartest person in the world pull this off?’ I will tell you how by buying hundreds of thousands of Lego sets from the US which had directions on how to make a miniature nuclear reactor. I had my scientist study the diagrams and with help from their kids put together a fully functional nuclear reactor. I bought all the nuclear fuel for the reactor from US Army surplus for $500.00”.
“This is a great day for Best Korea but not such a great day for my enemies. So everyone asks: ‘But how will you, Supreme World Leader Kim Jong Un, send these nuclear warheads to decimate you enemies?'”
“I will tell you how. I bought many rockets from the Model Rocket Association of America and just combined all the parts and engines into bigger rockets. I just told the Association I was a graduate student from MIT and wanted to know how I could use their parts to make a standing missile that would go to Mars. They were more than happy to tell me. I even had help from the US Nuclear Regulatory Commission on to how to properly detonate the warheads before impact. I just told them I was a 6th grade middle school student working on a paper for school”.
“This is a great day for Best Korea and a chance to show the world who is boss. Believe me we have plenty of room in our concentration camps for the world leaders to grow tomatoes”.
As of press time President Donald Trump was issuing executive orders to disband the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and label all amateur rocketeers as terrorists. Lego on the other hand was spared with Trump proclaiming: “You don’t want to stunt a kid’s creativity. I’m all for education”.